To You Baby…

Last December I went shopping last minute stuff to Costco, and as I was about to be attended by the cashier, I saw one of my ex-students with a bunch of her friends. They had already paid for their merchandise and were probably deciding what to do that evening. I felt a huge desire to go and give her a big hug, but I refrained thinking that maybe it was not a good time to do so. She did not see me and before I knew it, they had left. A couple of days later a friend called me to tell me that this same student had been hospitalized because she had suffered a hemorrhagic aneurysm.  She told me that her family was asking if people wished to see her at the hospital, that it might just bring her back to consciousness. I kept telling myself that I would go visit her, but I did not. I did not hear from my friend anymore about Tenchita, so I believed she was able to pull out of the coma she had fallen into because of the hemorrhage.

In April I was looking at some comments that some of my friends have left me on another site and I saw a comment Tenchita had left me a couple of years back. She had left a comment letting me know that she loved me and that she considered me a unique human being, someone she would never forget. So I decided to go into her space and ask her how she was doing.  To my surprise and shock,  I read a bunch of comments from her friends telling her that they missed her. My eyes could not believe what I was reading. She had passed away in January. I was reading about this in April…

I cried my eyes out… I said good-bye to her there, telling her that she had not said good-bye to me, that I had to find out reading about it in her space…, then I cried my eyes out again…

Good-bye Tenchita, you know how much I love you Honey…  I am truly sorry I did not go and give you that hug at Costco when I saw you in December. That is the burden I carry in my heart right now… 

Ignorance

When I had my blog at Blogsource I had no problems. It was all simple and easy to do. Here I feel so ignorant. I do not know how do to a lot of stuff it says you can do and it bothers me…

I was able to put a calendar on the sidebar and now it tells me that it is May 2, 2008. I am still on May 1, which is not what worries me, it just caught my attention right now.

I never categorize anything…

I see other blogs that use all the extras and I have no idea how to go about it.

I need time to learn, but now I just write what comes to my mind and click on publish…

Packed up and left…

I went to Guadalajara. I had not been there in two years and it was good to go and stay for a week. It is a beautiful as ever! Maybe more traffic, but nevertheless, it is still an enchanting city.

I wanted to go have ‘tortas ahogadas’ (drownedwiches, made this name up right now   ), but it was closed.   You probably want to know what these are, so let me explain. They are made with baked bread (what we call bolillo here), prepared beef or pork, then ‘drowned’ in a spicy sauce that makes your eyes water…    Oh, they are soooooooo good! You can add vegetables after pouring the salsa on them and it just gives them a superb taste.  Well, the  place where I wanted to go was closed so  we went and got shrimp burgers which are also  very  tasty. You put a special sauce that has strawberries and  jalapeños on the shrimp burgers and end up eating  another great tasting meal.

I also went looking for books but did not buy any. I decided I better not spend too much because I want my compensation check to last a couple of months. 

Anyway, the bad part is that I neglected my blog and my emails and now I am trying to catch up. But, I am back and I am glad I did leave, I needed to get away from San Carlos for a while…

“Softly, deftly, music shall caress you, Feel it, hear it, secretly possess you….”

Gorgeous songs–like all good music–can stroke that tender place within us that words many times can’t reach.

Right now, for me it is so soothing to listen to wonderful musical pieces, just to remind me that this life is worth living. Even though it has so many ups and downs, it is still worth living.

The man who wrote to me more than a hundred emails from January till March, has stopped writing. Why? Who knows. 

I just can’t stand liars. I can’t stand people who deceive, I can’t stand people who make promises knowing full well they can’t keep them!!!!! Above all, I can’t stand people who believe their shit!!! ME

That is also relaxing, get it out of my system and be done with this too. (job and relationship)

*sigh*

I Am One Of The HCICEBTHBTSGC’S ! ;)

I receive daily inspirational notes from ‘The Universe’ which I love!

I want to share today’s note because it gave me the biggest smile!  

He’s just great!!!

A Very Special Announcement to all My People, From the Universe

Owing to the fact that this is a leap year, and in keeping with our leap year traditions, it has been deemed absolutely necessary to once again divide all Adventurers up into two groups. The “Very Good Looking Crowd” (VGLCs), and the “Holy-Cow, I Can’t Even Believe They’re Human Because They’re So Gorgeous Crowd” (HCICEBTHBTSGCs).

Further, because this is a non-discriminatory organization, from this day forward both the VGLC’s and the HCICEBTHBTSGC’s will be treated absolutely the same, without any deviation whatsoever, except – all HCICEBTHBTSGC’s will have received today’s Note, last Friday, approximately 72 hours ahead of schedule.

Should you have received today’s Note, Friday (and, Blanca Julia, I happen to know you did, s-h-h-h-h!), please do not tell others who may not have. Nor should you assume that it was just some… you know, programming mistake.

JAMBO!

Now, for the benefit of the VGLS’s, here’s today’s Note…

Happiness, dear Blanca Julia, is what greases the wheels of life. It’s also what opens the floodgates, marshals the forces, commands the elements, raises the sun, aligns the stars, beats your heart, heals what hurts, turns the page, makes new friends, finds true love, calls the shots, waves the wand, connects the dots, feeds your mind, frees your soul, rocks the world, and pays compound interest.

Yeah, so easy to forget.

Wild on,
The Universe

A Perfect Question For Me

If I could do anything in the world, what would I do?

Last week I was laid off my job. I was told that the company could not continue to pay my salary because they had so few rentals for this coming season. I do wish to give my bosses the benefit of the doubt because I did see that people were calling in much less than last year. I also understand that my boss regretted, probably after the first six months of my coming to work with her, the salary she had given me. This regret turned into a harassment of my persona.

I kept going and making a constant effort to do my best work, but it was a big challenge. Many times I told myself that it was just a matter of changing attitude and going with the flow. I kept in mind that my salary was a good one, and I needed the income to pay for my apartment (the rents are quite high here), and my new car. So I would get up in the mornings and tell myself that the day was going to be and excellent one and off to work I would go.

I did have some wonderful days, specially when my bosses were not there and I could work on my own. But, I kept telling myself that a life well lived could not be what I was living. A job that was well paid, but my self-esteem plummeting constantly because of my bosses derogatory remarks towards my work, was not doing any good to me. Three days before the actual lay-off day I had made up my mind that I would stay and learn to let her remarks slide off my shoulders. I also decided I would not let my other boss (her husband) get to me with his constant rudeness.

Having made this decision, I wrote them an email telling them that I enjoyed my work, but that I felt constantly ’scolded’ , and that it was essential for me to excel in my work because that is what I lived off. I know my email was very courteous and respectful, but I guess in truth, they did not accept what I told them. I did it by email (which I did not really like because of misinterpretations) because they never had time to listen to me. They laid me off afterwards.

I am quite happy with what happened. Now my question is: If I could do anything in this world, what would I do?

–Enjoy life as much as possible!

–Help as much as I can in education.

–Start and establish a successful business of my own.

–Write and publish.

–Learn and teach as much as possible.

The list could go on, and yes, obviously travel and learn about other cultures.

I do not feel nervous, I know and I am sure The Higher Power is covering all my needs and I can live a life of adventure, fun, and abundance. It is my time now, I need to do things for myself and not for others.

So let me begin!

Happy or Sad?

Last week I was fired.

My bosses told me they could not keep paying my high salary.

Am I happy or sad?

I AM EXULTANT!

(I need to stay focused so I can open my own business… scary sometimes and I do get a little bit nervous, but I am going to go ahead and make my dreams come true!!!) 

My Dreams

A couple of days ago I was talking to a friend of mine. He is just so wonderful to have in my life, even though he is far away. When I lived in Monterrey, we would sit and talk for hours, improve the world, discover new worlds inside of us, and just, according to us, change life for the better. The funny part is that we were not only doing it for ourselves, but we included everyone we cared for. We fixed their lives up without them knowing, obviously…  I think we would be six feet underground if the other people would have known…  

We have kept in contact over the years and I still enjoy his conversations, even though they are now over msn.

Well, my conversation with him two days ago was also in the same line, but this time it was my turn to receive his admonitions. I was distraught over what has happened in my life these past seven years and I told him so. I told him that there were days that I felt the stupid guilt creeping into my life and this is what he told me:

Him: Do you dye your hair green?

Me: No, I sure have not done that yet!

Him: Why?

ME: Because I do not want to!

Him: Well, then you want to carry your guilt. You want to carry those feelings. You want to feel that way. You also have to remember that those feelings are ALIVE and will take over you completely if you let them. So it is up to you to decide if you wish to let them in and have a residence in your mind. So make up your mind and decide not to feel guilt. Let them go.

Me: Easy for you to say…

Him: Nope, I had to work on my feeling guilty and you know it. You know that I share everything with you and you have lived with me many difficult times in my life, so do not give me that. You and I also know that you are a very creative person and you are wasting your life away with stupid feelings like those. Please, Please, Please, Pleaaaaassssseeee create! Write, Write, Write, write for the newspaper in town, write for magazines, write for bilingual newspapers! Work on all sort of projects, some will catch on, some will not, but CREATE!!!! Publish your reading programs for the Mexican educational system! You have so much to offer, what in the world are you waiting for!!!!! Just don’t get bogged down with too much work, because then you tend to do that!

Me: Silence…

Him: Did I say too much?

Me: No, you said exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you! You know that you have been “My Teacher” and I value your advice, I will take it to heart and do something about it.

Him: I need to leave, but we will talk later. Take care and remember that I love you.

Me: I love you too my dear friend. We’ll talk later.

He is so right!!!!

It helps to have someone remind you of what one is capable of doing.

*sigh*

Making Your Day Great!

Ten Sunny Ways to Make Your Day a Good One!

A good day is when I wake up remembering that a good day happens by CHOICE not chance!

A good day is when I live the day in the present, being grateful for the little things in life.

A good day is a day that I look back on and smile, because I allowed myself to be open to something new without realizing it at the time.

A good day is when I can feel anger, pain, sadness, etc. but not let it take over.

A good day is when I relax and go with the flow.

A good day is drama free. (My choice, again.)

A good day is when I’m aware that I’m a kind and compassionate person and treat myself that way.

A good day is when I don’t use excuses to paralyze my thoughts and dreams or allow fear to keep me from stepping out and doing something I believe in.

A good day is connecting with people who are on the same self exploration journey as I am.

A good day is the realization that EVERY DAY IS A GOOD DAY no matter what happens!

I do not know who wrote this, but I loved it!

I Chose

I chose to stay. That’s all I can say. It is my choice to stay right now. I do not know for how long. But I am staying.